A Mother's Daughter

Sometimes it hurts a mother when a kid grew up to be someone he didn't expect him to be. It turns one dream of having a good citizen for a daughter, a nightmare...and whether we like it or not, almost instantly Mothers are dragged into scenes that sons and daughters create for themselves.

Just lately, a certain Ahcee Flores made herself a center of net bullying just by creating an unpleasant wish for all Bisaya during the eve of a disaster. All forms of hate comments were thrown at Ahcee which I personally think she deserves. However, what saddened me are the remarks directed towards her mother.

She must have spent sleepless nights taking care of her. All her days must have been tiring and stressful just to give Ahcee a good future. Just like any mothers in the world, for sure she wants Ahcee to be a good citizen, to be a good fellow who is sensitive enough to other people's feelings. Ahcee apparently didn't grow up the way she wants her to be. I can just imagine her agony right now unable to shield her daughter from these waves of hateful remarks only because she knows her daughter is playing a role on another side, the devil's advocate. Though she might know there is definitely that good side in Ahcee that she wished to redeem, she will find it difficult, now that Ahcee revealed her dark side to the whole world.

This might be a steel bar of judgement for Ahcee, but that devilish part of her which pushed her to make such remark towards her fellow countrymen is just telling us that there is something in her that is not right. Something that put her loving Mother into a very unfair situation. I personally think she doesn't deserve to be called a whore who did not teach Ahcee good manners. It is so unfair for Ahcee to be dragging her to this scene.

Why am I writing this here when this blog is supposed to be for mothers?

Why am I creating this post here when this blog is called Joys of motherhood? Where is joy in this situation?

Agony maybe, but not joy.....

That is exactly why? Because I want all sons and daughters to remember that their mothers do not deserve to be dragged into situations like this. Mothers are too loving that they deserve to get all the joys of having sons and daughters who would love them back...and dragging their names into a mess like this is such an ungrateful act. If Ahcee doesn't have a Mother...then that explains everything she said and everything she has done these past few days.

If you want to see more about Ahcees ungratefulness to the woman who bore her and took care of her, then check this.
 http://www.facebook.com/ahceeflores

Clothes and Toys

                Part of growing up is to keep up with the trend, have trendy toys and clothes and everything that's fashionable. Kids would start asking to buy what they see in the mall. In this case, providing what they want differs from one parent to another. It depends on their capacity to provide or the kind of environment they have.

                Kids from remote areas have different choices from kids in the city. They are not exposed to any form of media ; especially TV and the internet. So this did not give them a chance to see what they want to have. This makes life of  mothers from this area less complicated. They don't have to worry about giving this and giving that or have to deal with their kids' feelings of not having this and having that.

                In the city, kids live a much complicated environment where there is so much pressure in coping with fads. Peer influence is greater than anywhere. Parents have to explain why you can't provide this and why you can't give that. If not, then kids would start to feel you're a less loving parent.

               Georgia has her own tantrum when you won't buy toys or clothes she wants but I also make a point to tell her the value of money. I always explain that we can't buy those because we only have enough for our food. Kids might not understand this, but as you go along in doing this all the time, they'll get used to it and eventually learn to ask first.

               Goergia, whenever she spots a very nice toy starts with asking me " Ma, do you have money today?"; depending on what my reply is, then that's when she decides whether she'll ask the next question
" can we buy that?".... I can see that she is absorbing every explanation I made over the years. So this style applies not just for clothes and toys, but everything in general from A to Z. This is not just about a simple NO to a complicated SORRY. This has to be everything about everything.


               It was not very easy for me. We passed through a stage where I have to drag her, as in literally but not cruelly drag her home crying because she wont leave the mall unless I give in to her whims. In this case, being firm on what you are saying matters and it doesn't matter if she cries for an hour. For as long as you have  explained well,, it won't create any emotional baggage at all.

                Georgia has a lot of shoes and dresses, nice ones in her closet. She has accessories of all kinds. She is lucky enough to be getting all the best and nicest in town because of her Godmother who never failed to buy her bags of clothes from Ireland. She also has an aunt from Japan who sends her package of clothes and stuff, but this did not affect her view on the realistic side of not having money to buy these clothes. I told her, these are all give-aways and Mom does not have money. I told her to take care of these because in the future she might not have enough. This is to prepare her that life is not the same all the time. Whenever she complains about not liking her clothes, I'll explain to her that is a lot better than having no clothes at all, just like the kids in the streets.


               So you see a lot of challenges that we have to overcome in this role. They seemed to be very minimal and insignificant but as you realize, this is gonna be affecting their views and lifestyle in the future. So that makes it even more difficult. How we form their opinions today will affect their interaction to the society later. This defines our role as a mother. Even if we might not be able to see clearly when is the finale of this role in their lives, for as long as we feel that they still need guidance, we have to do our best.

           I may not be alone in this feeling of being so worried about not giving the right guidance to my kid,  but I take solace in the thought that at least I am giving my best until the end.

Amazing Love

I'm too sure you came across this one amazing story about a mother's love for her son. 

She was found dead while protecting her 3 months old son, wrapping him with cloth and embracing him tightly to save him from the devastating earthquake...With this sacrifice was a touching text message recovered from a cellphone that she also wrapped along with her son. It read "If you can survive, u must remember that I love you".

Several months after the incident, there were other versions that came out changing some details of the story such as the age of the baby, that the baby actually died along with her, and so on and on... but the morale remains strong. The only thing that can't be edited in each version ..it was that pure and unconditional love of a mother that proved true until the day she died.

Indeed, this is a very touching story. However, it did not come as a surprise to me at all. As a Mom, I would be inclined to do the same thing given the same circumstances. I would like to believe that as a daughter, my own mother would do the same in protecting me. This might be too awesome  to those who have not realized yet what have mothers' sacrificed and what they're willing to sacrifice for their children. I should say, I only realized this when I too become a mom. 

When I gave birth to Georgia, I suddenly have a bird's eye-view of how my mother felt for me and how intense was her love for all of us her children. She must have cried a river worrying about our safety and must have spent endless nights praying about what the future could be for all of us, as we first took our own way to independence. So what that woman did was nothing extraordinary if we are completely aware that MOTHERS should be as sacrificial as her.But what made it extraordinary was the thought that in this age and time, it will be so hard to find women who embody the true  essence of the word.

Thanks to women like her, they motivate mothers to be true to their role and inspire them to dedicate their life for the betterment of their children.

As for me, words can never describe how unconditional the late Ana Vallar Cena was. 

This article is dedicated to her and all the mothers in this world whom in their hearts sure to deliver the message " If you can survive, u must remember that I love you" even if it would be more sacrificial than what the woman did.

Author's note: Picture was downloaded from fb

Child Development: Constructivist Theory

               Unlike the two theories, this theory is more dynamic in nature. Under this theory, the child development is reinforced in allowing him to interact to his environment through series of activities where he is the active participant. 

Play

Role play

Manipulate the materials

          Setting activities that allow him to acquire the concept of the numbers and the alphabet through providing materials he can play with and manipulate.

             Constructivist theory believes that the child’s pre-school activities at home should focus in incorporating the child’s physical experience to a designed curriculum mostly acquired from transitional kindergartens. It is then assumed in this theory that when a child can initiate many interactions with the environment or the people around him, he is then ready for school.




Ref: http://www.ncrel.org/sdrs/areas/issues/students/earlycld/ea7lk18.htm

Child Development: Environmentalist Theory

          This theory on the other hand believes that the child’s development depends on his environment.  It is even thought of that human behavior as he grows, is a product of his total reaction to what he sees around him and how people interacts within that environment. In this perspective, families focus on making sure they can provide their kids a good neighborhood, a good school and a good community in general.

          Home being the basic foundation of his development should ensure that the child acquires the basic skill needed as he reaches the stage when young children should have the ability to respond appropriately to the environment at school and the classroom. This evolves from basic motivation of the parents to have their children follow simple adult instructions at home, to a more complicated pre-school learning activities.

          Under this theory, workbooks, regulation setting, and other fun activities that require the child to display positive behavior to an instruction or direction set by an adult. This is of great help in assessing whether the child is able to respond appropriately or displays some form of learning disabilities than can be addressed by some pre-school curriculum designed to control these behaviors and responses.


Ref: http://www.ncrel.org/sdrs/areas/issues/students/earlycld/ea7lk18.htm

Child Development: Maturationist Theory

Provide quality snacks

              


          This theory believes that development is automatic, predictable and sequential in nature.It is a biological process that occurs in each stage as long as the child is healthy.  Children are then taught patiently but never forced to learn reciting the alphabet or counting during the early age of 1 or 2.

Healthy kids develop
 naturally

     
         Several activities at home should continue to solidify these pre-school skills reinforced by transitional kindergartens. When fully developed at the ages 3 , 4, and 5; there will be indication then of his readiness for school where he is ready for more complex tasks such as reading and basic arithmetic. 

Nutritious foods

        
          Therefore in this theory, parents’ best practice is expected to bring out the best in the child’s development. If and when a child lags behind his peers, this will be best interpreted as needing more time to acquire the knowledge and skills. Most of the time,  retention, holding or extension in a transitional kindergarten is recommended which is mostly done at age 6.






Ref: http://www.ncrel.org/sdrs/areas/issues/students/earlycld/ea7lk18.htm

On Motherhood

       Motherhood is a challenging job. Everyone who is eager to know its ways and means has to study both the theory of rearing a child as they go through each learning process at the same time the factors that affects this process.

       It has always been a doubt for every “would- be- mothers” whether or not they could be good mothers more than being good wives.  Most women is aware of the fact that upon saying YES during a marriage ceremony, a woman is not just submitting to be good wives but also good mothers; a packaged responsibility as she says YES in a marriage ceremony.  

       To some men these two roles are just one and the same with an exception of a few who still believe that motherhood is entirely a different role. However, it makes a lot of sense when considered as one since the very essence of being a woman and a wife is to be a good mother. So it is safe to say that women should deal more on the second role rather than the first.

       So the series of articles in this blog will be for these women who strived to be good at it. This blog will then be helpful as it tackles the key to fulfill this role by perfecting the theories of Child development and learning. These theories include the maturationist, environmentalist, and constructivist perspective (Powell, 1991). This will be explained in the layman’s term in the succeeding articles.